When people look at me they see a healthy, independent, adventurous 26-year-old who is just starting her life. They don't see the physical and emotional challenges that cystic fibrosis brings. One of the hardest emotional aspects of living with CF is the impact it can have on my relationships, which I have learned, unfortunately, can be unpredictable. CF has forced me to let go of people in my life who have shown they are not strong enough to be a part of it.
Growing up, I always put everyone else first. I was the friend everyone went to when they needed to vent, someone to cheer them up, a shoulder to cry on, or when they just needed help. I was constantly concerned about making everyone around me feel happy, loved, and cared for because I honestly didn't want them to feel even half of the pain that CF had made me experience in life. But for someone who was 100 percent there for everyone in my life, I didn't always feel supported in return, which truly hurt me more emotionally sometimes than the disease hurt me physically.
In 2014, I got really sick. My lung function reached an all-time low, I had constant episodes of coughing up blood (called lung hemoptysis), and simply walking a few feet from my bed to the bathroom was like running a full marathon. I couldn't do the job that I loved and I wasn't able to be there physically for my friends and family as much as I would have liked. It was a devastating, heartbreaking, and absolutely terrifying time in my life. However, little did I realize that while I would be fighting for my life, I would also be fighting equally as hard for people that I thought were my support system.
During this time, people I thought were some of my strongest supporters simply walked out of my life, rejecting me for something that was out of my control.
A few of my closest friends decided they couldn't be a part of my life because I either couldn't physically be there to celebrate major life events, or they simply just didn't want to sit there and “watch me die.” The guy I loved with every last ounce of me -- my boyfriend and best friend in life -- decided overnight he couldn't be there for me at this point in my life. He couldn't put me first, and countless people close to him convinced him that CF wasn't fair to him and would be an inconvenience in his life.
In a matter of days, I watched as more and more people, whom I had invested so much of myself in and whom I honestly thought would never leave me, walked out of my life without giving it a second thought. It was one of the most devastating and painful periods I had ever experienced. It's a pain I would never wish even my worst enemy.
But like they say: no pain, no gain. It became clear that I was truly blessed with one of the most supportive and close-knit families to ever walk this earth. I had friends who saw so many people reject me but chose to stick around and step up to the plate. They started asking me more questions about CF to fully understand the disease and how they could help me. They taught me it was okay to put myself first, that it takes special people to live this life, and helped alleviate my burdens so I could experience all that I wanted to in life, no matter how sick I was.
This time, CF didn't just teach me what I had, it helped put the right people into my life. It has served as a catalyst for stronger relationships -- bringing with it one of my best friends, who also has CF, and an entire community of people whose constant love, encouragement, and support gets me through my worst days. I may have had to let go of more people than I would have liked to, but what I've lost doesn't compare to what I've gained. People come and go from anyone's life, whether a person has CF or not. But, surprisingly, this rare disease has proven itself to be the ultimate screening tool. It might cause those of us battling it each day to lose more relationships a whole lot faster, but in the end, it's a blessing in that it allows us to gain the right ones.
December 2018 -- We were deeply saddened to learn of Lea’s passing. Lea was involved with the CF Foundation in many capacities. She served as a 2017 national Great Strides ambassador, co-chaired her local chapter's Great Strides walk, and shared her heart to the CF community through the CF Community Blog. She will be missed by many.
