When I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at the age of 8, I had practically been symptom-free -- with the exception of the gastrointestinal (GI) symptoms caused by CF without taking enzymes and a reappearing rash -- which the doctors chalked up to bug bites or several different food and drink allergies.
My mom is the reason I received a confirmed diagnosis of CF. After searching through her nursing books, she found a photo of the rash that I had been experiencing multiple times a year, and under the picture were the words “See CF.” My mom then demanded a sweat test from my pediatrician. As you can guess, the results came back positive.
Despite having a very healthy and active childhood, as soon as the teenage years hit I began to have a pretty tough time, experiencing my first PICC line at the age of 13 and CF exacerbations about every three months. Even though I had a nurse as a mother and was 110 percent compliant with my treatment and therapies, I still lost about 60 percent lung function over 15 years.
Fast forward to now. I am 28 years old and have a low enough lung function that I “should,” from outside standards, be eligible for a double lung transplant. And yet, I've been worked up for a transplant multiple times over the past five years, and each time was told that I am functioning at a much higher level than a “typical CF patient” with similar low lung function. In other words, I am functioning at a level that's too healthy for a lung transplant, and yet my numbers are saying that I'm there. Each day, I am living in the unknowns.
I have been working full-time since 2013 and, thankfully, am continuing to do so. I work in patient education and absolutely love my job. Last year, I completed my MBA -- a goal that I slowly worked to achieve over a three-year period in addition to my full-time position. My husband and I love to travel, and try to take multiple vacations during the year.
Despite what the numbers say, I am living a full life.
Living in the unknowns has taught me to appreciate family and friends, and has made me look at life differently. It's made me realize that I am physically doing ALL that I can to keep myself healthy. It's telling me that waking up at 5:30 a.m. every day before work -- to complete my treatments, vest, and exercise routine -- has not been in vain, and that I'm doing everything I can to keep myself off the transplant list for as long as possible. It's given me continued hope that when the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation finds new medications and, eventually, a cure, my lungs will be healthy enough to hopefully reap the benefits from it.
In an odd way, I like living with these unknowns. Because for me, the unknown also means possibility. There is a possibility that I will continue to function despite having low lung function, and continue working full-time for many years to come.
As my doctor says, “the numbers aren't everything.” And so, I do not let them dictate my life. Do I have limitations? Of course I have limitations. I cannot do everything a “normal” person can do. BUT, I can still have a completely full, happy life despite having low lung function.
While I breathe, I hope.